my heart is an open palm, exposed and raw
In my land of bright lights you are effervescent -
Overwhelming at once, I am oblivious the next.
You are the palpable product of words I never meant,
Of clouded judgement, infinite dreams; my sweet Regret.
My conscience weighs you down and embeds you
Somewhere in the murky depths of this sepulchral soul.
Yet there is little want of redemption for what I do,
And you and your kind maketh the stories I never told.
Even now I would sing that I am yours, Yours!
As I believe you are mine in all your tainted forms.
Sucker as I am for your taste, touch and allure,
The beauty of folly is not weeping when all else mourns.
So this is an ode to my ill-fated penchant for
Secrets I have to keep, and everything that
I loved to hold but not to possess.
That I wish to forget, but forget to regret.
Saturday, May 20, 2006
FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY. i am done with the measure essay and it really is a load off my chest. call me a nerd, whatever. so i had the mood to go for da vinci code with mom after that. it was aight la but i guess some parts were rather unexplained. so if i hadn't read the book beforehand i'd prolly be boggled. and that was exactly how my mom was and it was kinda irritating when she kept asking me what was happening. but she paid for the tix so im kinda obliged to explain to her too.
yesterday was fantastic despite the bball girls losing to rj. i saw fang!! :):):) was for a very short while though but nevertheless special to me! dont know when i'm gonna see her again. and kattie was like mugging at home what's new. tsktsk. i reallyreally hope the soccer team wins or else our hopes of having a full day would be like erps. i know what's going through ur mind now cwah see hwee, but again, whatever :P my allegiance is with the full-day.
church tomorrow and hopefully hwei and cherlynn will be free in the afternoon. mom was annoying me jes now when i told her i didnt go for tuition this week. well, i didnt really do it on purpose. firstly, ms chow told me to cancel it because apparently her econs lesson takes precedence. and then mr lim didnt ask me if i wanted a make up lesson because usually he does so i jes presumed that he had a full schedule already. perhaps i could have taken more initiative but i didnt really have the mood for tuition too. :( and she keeps telling me that the exams are so near yet im so lackadaisical about everything. she doesnt really know the turmoil inside me when it comes to these things. hello, i cant sleep at night jes because i know i have tons of revision undone!! and she says i don't care sheesh.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. yup, that's basically how i feel now. despite knowing the consquences im gonna go ahead and go out tomorrow. despite knowing im being irresponsible, i'm still gonna go ahead and somehow convince myself that i'm smart enough to ignore one day of revision. :( i really don't know what to do sometimes. i think im that sort who live for the moment. oh God, i need help.
written with ♥ at
10:49 AM;
